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Who’s the biggest of all?

An astrological look at the worst of the worst

The Republican Party is on the verge of self-destruction. It’s always been a marginal party, but its unity—the unity of the bourgeoisie, has always been inviolate. Ronald Reagan’s dictum of not “speaking ill” of other republicans is now null and void.

Today, the GOP has more egos than a bag of cats, and the candidates are cheesy, vacant ego-trippers that have in common only a lack of scholarship and zero wisdom. What they do share (except for Trump, with his deep pockets) is a willingness to pander and prostitute themselves according to the paranoid politics of the antediluvian bullies in the billionaire class. These people want to represent the 1%.

Let’s review them according to their 13 sign signature, Trump, Bush, Cruz, Santorum, Fiorina, Rand, Walker, Christie and Huckabee.

Look at the signs and charts of this contentious bunch. As a group, they are top-heavy with fire signs. Three of them are Leos, and two others have Mars in Leo, and one has a stellium in Leo. That’s a lot of royal, self-serving ego for one stage to carry. There’s the worst elements of Sagittarius, the telling the hero’s tale, without actually being one. Then there’s the pushy, holier then thou Aries. There’s even a lone Libra party hack in the back, a bottom feeder at the bottom where he belongs.

The Leos are just blowing other people’s money, hoping to be the King, or, in the case of Carly Fiorina, the Queen of the jungle. Fiorina cries like a crocodile, and lies like a psychopath, and makes Hillary look like a movie star. She has the spirit mask of the Greek Chorus predicting your demise, or firing you from your job. She's fired thousands of people, way more than even Trump has on his TV show of that name. She’s the nightmare boss who is alternatively manipulative and incompetent. She is scary.

$10,000 per vote? I'm worth so it!

It's not fair to have her assume the mantle of feminism. Like a lot of female CEOs, she’s the public face of failure because she only gets to be the captain of a sinking ship. The men condescend to her and sneer at her behind her back. She’s too enamored of herself to know, like the evil witch in the mirror. Her bald-faced Leo pride, and the pride of flatterers she keeps around her, tells her: she’s the one, the best, the belle of the ball. They will help her spend millions of her dollars in order to preen herself on TV, fame being one of her many animal addictions. On the podium of the Republican contenders, she can only garner the votes she can buy outright, she is just another time filler until the big money decides for Bush. 

The other two Leo fat cats are Christie and Huckabee, both of them about to pop like balloons as their creepy personalities catch up with them--or maybe these are their actual brands. Christie is creepy-abusive, and Huckabee is creepy-smarmy.

I said: Lick my balls

Chris Christie is the deluded “fat crook from Jersey” who thinks he’s a genius. He tried to out-bully Trump but just came off as a wife-beater. He’s stolen federal money and embedded himself into a clique of corrupt politicians that goes all the way to Crime Boss New York Gov. Cuomo. The only thing that can be said of his candidacy is that he could be the only presidential candidate in modern times to be indicted for corruption before the election cycle ends. He's up to his ass in dirty money and dirty politics. So far his belligerent attitude has kept the hyenas at bay, but this Leo will eventually have his bones picked clean by his many, many enemies. He can only waddle so far ahead of his connections to state-wide financial scandal.

What's inside those jeans, honey-bunch?

Mike Huckabee is the faded bible-thumping preacher who looks like the typical religious leader with the secret life of a pervert. He can’t be the a holy man, his ego is too big. His Leo and Libra Moon have too much sexuality attached to them for him to even have a normal outlook on sex. Without hard evidence, it's still a good bet to assume that he's like a lot of other cultist religious hypocrites, he's in it for the money and sex. He’s a salesman who can only promote himself. He’s been cultivating an inch-thick nice-guy veneer to cover up his mad hatter ideas. He’s sucked up to the Christian moralist brand hoping he can ride the the ignorant sheep into power. He's nasty under the surface, which is why it won't ever happen.

Please forgive me, I'm just a bad, bad little boy

Ted Cruz, the slimiest, scuzziest of them all, and the biggest liar, is a Sagittarius smear-artist with a sissy Virgo Moon. He's so despicable, he is the most hated man in Washington. Even his own party hates him. He’s a backstabber and showboater. All he wants to do is shut down the government. He looks and acts like the Libra Senator Joseph McCarthy who engineered the witch hunt of the 1950s. Like McCarthy, he has no shame or conscience. Like McCarthy he uses whining and cloying speech pattern to defame his enemies. He hates the media because he's so repulsive when the lights go on. Cruz talks like a demagogue and looks like a pervert. He certainly talks to voters that way, as if he was seducing children. “Do you want some candy, little boy?”

I'm too sexy for the catwalk

Rand Paul is only in the race because of his rich Dad. He’s a complete failure and a clown, with a head of phony hair, the face of a frog, and the ridiculous vanity of an aging Casanova. He actually is too blind to see his own redundancy.

True, he is anti-foreign war, but only because he really wants to declare war on the American people with a flat tax. His mixture of pure capitalism and pure BS is stuck in a time warp, harking back to where his unpalatable ideas come from, Ayn Rand. He plays the half-wit Igor (”yes, master”) to her Dr. Frankenstein. 

The real hopes of the Republican party are not with these losers. Rising to the top, as if even the tea baggers are sick of crazy, are the Earth signs, Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn.

You're all pussies to me

Donald Trump, the leader, and the bull in the china shop is a Taurus with Ophiuchus Moon. He's a real outsider who can cast a spell on people to vote for his robber-baron capitalist conceits. He’s indestructible, however, so when people try to corner him, he counter-punches like a heavyweight. He’s more of a danger to the Republicans than the Democrats. Nothing can hurt him, because he has Capitalism as his running mate. He speaks on behalf of money, as if to personify its best and most enduring quality, that it can be spent to make you even richer. You can’t quarrel with him because he’s rich. His immigrant bashing is the message that democracy must transform into its crazy doppleganger, fascism. People will vote for Trump because it's a way they see to restore the past. Like all demagogues, he picks on the weakest and most defenseless class in society—Nazis had the Jews and racists have African Americans. Trump is hoping to transform the one in four American voters who needs a scapegoat to feel better about his miserable existence. Trump is the candidate of the angry white man, and like them, may self-destruct at any moment. His biggest challange lies ahead, and he'll get what Julian Casear got-- a knife in the back, as the others gang up on him. MORE

Daddy promised me the ring

Jeb (!) Bush is a Capricorn, with a Sagittarius Moon. This might have been better for him if it had been reversed. The Cap Sun just makes him a insufferable bore, and he doesn't even seem to have the advantages of that sign to be a tireless worker bee. His silver spoon upbringing has turned his Sagittarius Moon into a buffoon. He will blunder, foot-in-mouth, in hopes of pandering to voters. He's so out of touch because he is a controlling prick in private life. He can't inspire anyone, because he's a douche. He's vulnerable like a tortoise without the shell. Bush has his Mars and Venus in Pisces, the signs of what Trump senses to be a pussy-man, his bitch. Trump will whip Bush’s ass in public and Bush will like it. However Jeb! has a plan. If he holds his trump cards, in this case, the scandalous information he has on Trump, he can cripple the bull at the end of the game, going for a brokered convention. This is where the delegates get past the first ballot without a winner, and are freed of their pledge to a candidate, according to the primary wins. Once the delegates are up for sale, anything goes, and the Bush-CIA machine can go into high gear caging them like runaway rabbits. The establishment, old-money GOP is behind Bush so he isn't worried. Money is no object, He'll get the nomination in the same way his equally brain-dead Gemini brother, George, got the presidency, by fixing votes. Jeb! is a total idiot who even by Bush standards, is a loser. This is a sad commentary on the children of the rich, they always turn out to be horrible reminders of what money can't buy. He doesn't have to buy brains, he can buy or weedle enough votes at the convention to get the nomination.

I'm the Uncle Tom for rent

Then there’s Ben Carson, the mysterious Virgo. we don't know anything about him except what he tells us about himself in his bio. He's the white man's dream Negro. He's as smooth as Nat King Cole and as bland as an Uncle Remus. He's as far from Ferguson and the Black struggle as he is from the Moon; and because we don't know his time of birth, that might be in Aries or Pisces. He may have an inner burn if his Moon is is Aries, that bites the hand that feeds him, but more likely his Moon is in the feminine and passive-aggressive Pisces. His sleepy eyes would confirm that guess. He's a silly dreamer and lives in a bubble of his own make-believe image.

He's made his fortune by making up his life story as he goes. He's benefited by shady deals and handouts from his pink-cheeked boosters. He’s a small town bourgeois and local prima donna, primping himself like he was a hot house orchid. He’s the bic-lighter of GOP candidates, the throw-away man to show Republicans as tolerant of diversity. He's at his best at those Republican booster affairs where they all pat each other on the back and swap male prostitutes.

Why can't a two-faced jackass be president?

The blatent opportunist Scott Walker, the union-busting great mid-western hope, isn't really a factor. He's a triple Libra, with Moon and Sun and Neptune in that sign. The initial pick of the Koch brothers, he's the super-salesman Libra, the hollow man, a car lot huckster, the man with no conscience. He’s the ultimate failure of anti-working class, corporate privatization schemes. He'll always be the fly in the ointment. Although he was selling his blandness as character, Scott Walker is proof that when the rat tries to cross the road, he becomes the road kill.

Did we forget anyone? Oh, Marco Rubio? This isn't real. He's the ambitious Taurus panning for gold. He's a nickel and dime monkey-boy, picking up the loose change in other people's pockets. He's corruption waiting to happen. His Moon could be in Gemini or Cancer, we don't know his time of birth. As a drifting Cancer parasite, he goes to the highest bidder like a male whore. As a Gemini, he's just a man without a constituency, counting on the gullibility of strangers. The truth of his candidacy is that his rich friends invited the chauffeur in for a drink. He's just there to be someone's buttboy. He's looking down the road to his own personal gratification and access to the immorality of politics. In the primaries, he can only make life difficult for Bush, his Geppetto creator, but could easily change into his supporter in a brokered convention.

I'll wait in the car until you guys call me

The razzle-dazzle of American politics has really hit the skids with this motley crew of ambitious lunatics. This is why the Republican party is doomed, they are unable to come up with a viable candidate. There's no humanity in any of these frauds and crooks, and they can't mount a feasible defense against Hillary, no matter how much they want it, and no matter how much people dislike and distrust her. She's the power of Wall Street against the rubes and yahoos. While Republicans tussle over the donations of eccentric billionaires, she is hard wired into the military-industrial-financial complex, and is the war president that America needs to pursue world domination. Can they beat that?

Republicans have always managed to seize power with a straw man who can bamboozle the voters. They use subterfuge and slander to get what they want. This time, however, they are only besmirching each other, and whoever staggers out of the process will be mortally wounded in the election. Personal ambition has trumped (!) even the semblance of unity. May they all rot in hell.

Posted: 10/12/15, updated: 11/8/15, 11/21/15

For more go to Donald Trump: all-American demagogue.

Also read: The End of the GOP in 2016, a problem with Saturn.

What about the Democrats, and the lessor of all these evils?

Comparison of the Zodiac systems





Aries Mar 21 - April 20 April 15 - May 15 April 19 - May 13
Taurus April 21 - May 20 May 16 - June 15 May 14 - June 19
Gemini May 21 - June 20 June 16 - July 15 June 20 - July 20
Cancer June 21 - July 21 July 16 - Aug 15 July 21 - Aug 9
Leo July 22 Aug 22 Aug 16 - Sep 15 Aug 10 – Sep 15
Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22 Sep 16 - Oct 15 Sept 16 – Oct 30
Libra Sep 23 - Oct 22 Oct 16 - Nov 15 Oct 31– Nov 22
Scorpio Oct 23 - Nov 21 Nov 16 - Dec 15 Nov 23 – Nov 29
Ophiuchus NA NA Nov 30 – Dec 17
Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21 Dec 16 - Jan 14 Dec 18– Jan 18
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 20 Jan 15 - Feb 14 Jan 19 – Feb 15
Aquarius Jan 21 - Feb 19 Feb 15 - Mar 14 Feb 16– Mar 11
Pisces Feb 20 - Mar 20 Mar 15 - April 14 Mar 12 – April 18

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